Texas Style

Upon arriving in Austin, Todd’s cousin Daren greeted us warmly: a solid Texan handshake for Will and a warm embrace for his favorite cousin. Daren, whose empathy for the woes of the weary traveler was apparent, promptly offered us the use of his washer and dryer. It was as though he had read our minds, as we were low on clean attire (a very loose term at this point, with apologies to our mothers). After catching up, cleaning up and mentioning the unfathomable heat in this great state several times, Daren mentioned a party and we gladly agreed to go. It was a sight that brought us back to our days at the University of Montana-Missoula, where pretty much anything was acceptable. This included people with oddly placed tattoos (a power tower in San Francisco on a thigh is a blatant example), keg beer, thematic attire (“Rock ‘n Roll High School”), a metal band playing decibel-pounding music and the obligatory game of croquet (which Todd naturally won, as it is the game of kings). The highlight, without a doubt, was the conversation we enjoyed with a self-proclaimed, “self-hating” Jew named A.J. At one point he quipped, “the 80’s sucked. Everyone had an Afro and no one could tell who was Jewish. Why would anyone want to look like this?” He then explained that his next step in life, Law School, was extremely predictable. “We have two dentists, and a couple doctors in the family… and my dad is a lawyer. Those are the two rites of passage in a Jew’s life: your bris and Law School.” Priceless. This unique conversation was followed by some poor decision-making on Todd’s part. Ever the guinea pig for doing something at least once, Todd joined in with a young Texan lady for a swig of…wait for it.....pickle juice following a shot of whiskey; a vile and regrettable practice indeed… ahh, college.

As the party broke up, we grabbed some food (Will getting up-in-arms upon not receiving dressing for his salad) and headed back to Daren’s to sleep. Being sufficiently lubricated with Texas’ pride (Lone Star Beer), we managed a sufficient night sleep in spite of the ever-present heat. We went to an internet café in the morning where Todd enjoyed some Texan love in the form of a Breakfast Taco and then headed out to Barton Springs to beat the heat (fyi: en route we were fortunate enough to cross Robert E. Lee Road). The springs were amazing and we agreed that if we lived in Austin we’d frequent the spot regularly. After summoning the courage to brave the heat yet again, we headed out to Rudy’s BBQ and took part in the spiritual practice that is Texan cuisine. Allow me to be blunt: this place had the best bbq either of us has had in our lives. A half-pound of brisket was served on wax paper, with 6 slices of wonder bread on the side, and a serving of cream corn… my lord. Their famous bbq sauce was served out of a giant vat and was amazingly good. I cannot adequately describe the deliciousness of this food. Suffice it to say that a trip to Austin for this cuisine alone would be well worth it. After lunch, Daren made a priceless observation on the nature of Texans. Upon seeing a jar of bbq sauce’s label which read “Rudy’s BBQ Sause” (note the “s”), Daren stated: “I hate how Texans think its cool to deliberately misspell words like idiots.” From here on out, misspelling anything has been referred to as Spelling: Texas Style.

After lunch, we headed back to Daren’s in a sort of food-coma. Along the way we checked out the UT campus. The Longhorns’ stadium was absolutely stunning in its enormity and we began to understand the relationship this state has with football. We strolled around the campus and were treated to various sights including statues of Robert E Lee and Jefferson Davis… ah, the south. Daren was a veritable tour guide for the institute, explaining to us the stories of several homicides and suicides that have occurred on the campus over the years. We were undeniably impressed, took our leave and headed back to Daren’s where we cleaned up.

After some much needed showers, Will headed out to meet up with his step-sister Melissa, who also lives in Austin, and Todd and Daren picked up Daren’s girlfriend Meggie (apologies Daren if I’ve misspelled her name). The four of us rendezvoused at the Peter Pan Putt-Putt, a byob establishment. We sipped beer and took part in this uniquely Austin experience. It was an epic match, culminating in Todd blowing a late lead and Will coasting to victory… a true clash of Titans.

After sufficient gloating, Will and Melissa headed down to 6th street (the heart of Austin’s famed live music scene), while Todd and Daren took Meggie home (she being 20 and thereby unable partake in the bar scene). While there, Will enjoyed a flaming shot and a few puffs on the corncob. Our plans soon changed after Melissa received a call from a friend of hers. She was informed that drinks were being had with Ben Affleck, Jason Bateman and Mike Judge at another bar and that we should join them. Needless to say we all agreed to head down there. Upon arrival, we discovered the bar to be on fire. Needless to say, several jokes were made about saving Mike and Jason… and not Ben. In lieu of asphyxiating ourselves, we headed down the street (past the famous Continental Club where Elvis played) and had a few drinks at another bar. We left shortly thereafter and headed to bed. The sweltering heat disagreed with our plans to sleep and the two of us spent seven hours laying in misery.

The next day (after recovering Todd’s sunglasses which he left at Meggie’s) we headed out to Houston. (Unfortunately, when we heeded the advice of Brian Witt, our buddy near Ft. Worth, to blend in better by pronouncing it 'uston, where we greeted with corrections by the local folks that it was not so.) Daren joined us and Todd rode up with him. It was a quick trip and Todd’s Aunt Patrice warmly greeted us upon arrival. We enjoyed some home cooking and some much needed lounging and Todd also got to visit with his cousin, Melanie, whom he hadn’t seen in 8 years.

After dinner, Daren joined us and we headed out to Minute Maid Park to watch the Astros take on the Marlins. We arrived at the park and went straight to work. Will acquired three tickets and Todd picked up four. Daren and Todd headed into the game and got fantastic seats while Will turned the remaining tickets to the tune of $30 and two free beers. Oh yes.

The game started off exciting, as the Astros scored two in the 1st, but quickly slowed down. The Marlins shut them out for the remainder of the game and took the win. We left the park, headed back to Patrice’s and hit the hay. Up next? New Orleans… prepare yourselves.

More to come…

Todd & Will